I’m not gonna talk about depressive kinda stuff—or perhaps this realization makes someone does, I’m sorry if it is. But this what’s bothering me a bit lately, because i just realized about this not long ago.
I forgot when, but i think i was just having a good conversation with my friend—in which i also forgot who it is, but clearly a close one (sorry, I forgot easily). I realized, it’s really nice to have them, to have all my friends i currently have. It’s a warm feeling, I feel grateful to know all of them, in which i rarely have, so it’s a good feeling. Mostly online, I’m suck IRL—or at least if we have to compare to standard social life. But mostly it’s probably perhaps those people IRL isn’t really “my people”, iykwim. Okay, back to the topic.
But just like my bad habit i still had for quite long enough—in which i still couldn’t find why and when. Right after i feel good about anything, i often afraid whether i will feel bad afterward, or else i find the negative side about it. So, after i said “It’s really nice to have them if i think about it”, i said “oh wait, it means my gratefulness won’t last long. And there will be a time where i will lost them”.
What i actually mean about this is, theoretically, i still have much time ahead of me. I’m still in my 20. I probably still have 40 or somewhat 50 years left, if i were lucky (the term ‘lucky’ or not is still debatable, tho). If I have a good friendships in my 20, and we’ll probably have that friendship to probably in the next 10 or 20 years, but we don’t know when life is gonna separates us all. I mean, those persons you really like aren’t gonna be here for all your life time. They could be gone at anytime. You’d probably gonna live long enough, but not with the person you love to be with.
Nature doesn’t really care about our feeling. While our feeling, our biology device, our psychology, always wanted, begged our feeling to be pleased all the time. The realization that we will probably live long enough, but all those left is probably those we really hate with is really disturbing us mentally.
It’s getting harder and harder to find friend as an adult. Probably an adult who’s reading this could agree. And that’s why i hate it. The best friendship is the one who we’ve built since the earlier age. They’ll grown with us. We watch ourselves goes through each phases, each struggles, or also each joyful thing. We will built that friendship until who knows how long. But life, nature, doesn’t promise us whether we will continue our life with the person we love.
Let’s say you found the best person, they’re one of the most precious thing on earth. You met them in you’re, idk, adolescence, or childhood, or perhaps in you’re 20s (?). You’ve imagined yourself to be with them in the next several decades. But in the later days, you found they’re gone. Leaving you alone with your imagination of how you will spend your days together, while you still have to continue your life without them. It’s probably fine if we’re losing it when we’re older, because we’ve had a great time and life. But if we lost them in our, idk, 20s, 30s, and we still have to continue living the next half of our live without them is, i think, quite depressing and nihilistic.
And the most saddest part is not when you still haven’t let go of them, or crying in the quite at night where you still remember the time you spent with them. But it’s rather when you’ve already had forgotten about them. When you’re, not only, finally getting through it, but your memories of them is already at the back of your head and it never replayed on your mind since the last 30 years. Because if so, those joys, those laughter, or those struggles you’ve been going through is not only doesn’t exist anymore, but also doesn’t exist in your head too. Well, there you go, it’s a bit depressing isn’t it?
But here’s the antidote. I guess that’s why we need to experience life fully. We need to be present and should not thinking about our regret or worries for too long. We will probably lose them one day, we will probably having a hard time without them eventually, or perhaps, we will forgot about them in the end, but.. that’s LIFE. It’s a great feeling to be able to EXPERIENCE, no? My perspective in this is perhaps too depressing, but surely there are many ways to look at it in the different and better way, and i also probably will. Just don’t stop being curious and expand our perspective. Such a great assets to be a human to leave it be, no? But it’s totally up to you.
Leave your thoughts below. Thank you for reading this. Have a great day, afternoon, evening, or night.
This makes me think of the concept of “the only constant in life is change” (whether that seems good or bad), but also how ultimately we don’t always know if something that seems bad is actually bad longterm and vice versa so maybe it’s less painful to just not judge anything in life and to go with the flow.
Ah, that’s a good concept. And yea, we shouldn’t see anything in life with only one perspective. My perspective might seem depressing, but if we use the concept you bring, well, that turned out seems just fine.
The concept “To go with the flow” also felt amazing, while we probably shouldn’t say this to everyone, because some might misinterpret it, but it is a good way of living. And i also planning to write similarly to this. Well, kinda sequel to this post.
Anyway, thank you for taking the time, Julie! I really appreciate it.
that’s a deep one. i often think about it too, until now, and it hurts and it becomes quite depressing. the “fun” part is, i’m feeling it these days, the despair, the sudden realization of loneliness and the feeling of emptiness when people came and then left. but i’m still here, anyway. i will always be here. so if anyone wants to come back or asks “how’s your day?” or maybe just a “hi.”, i’ll reply to it, always, even if it takes a while, i still will.
Let’s embrace connection and community again. Let’s not make people around us feel lonely and always look out for each other. Not only that, we also shouldn’t hold ourselves if we really need help. I think i know who you are, and same, i will always open, not only to you but anyone, if you need a time to talk.
And that’s probably why i created this blog. To closely discuss, as a community, not as an easily forgotten content that’s bombarded to our attention everyday and give not much meaning to our life. Anyway, thank you for taking the time. I appreciate it so much!